i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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