I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
