I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
