she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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