Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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