sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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