i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
