Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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