KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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