My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
