Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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