It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
