Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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