Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
