So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
