They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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