My friends, they love my intelligence
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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