For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
