yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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