So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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