Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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