All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
