I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
