And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
