Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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