I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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