Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
