I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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