As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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