yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
