i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
