At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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