the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
