Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
