I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
