her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it because I queefed?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
