wrigley field is MILF paradise
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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