O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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