as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
