you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
