the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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