she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
