Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
