i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
