You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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