I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
