i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
