Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
