You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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