he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
