dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
