Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
