Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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