Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
