p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
