im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
