Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
