Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
