Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
