Yo dont text me then not text me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
