Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize