You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
