She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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