it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
