So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
