I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
