put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
