Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
