Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
